3 years

It has been three years since I lost my first born son and the day still hits me like a ton of bricks.  I know it’s coming, but no amount of preparation can stop the tears from flowing.  By now I should realize that going to work on his birthday is futile.  But the thought of sitting at home all by myself crying doesn’t appeal to me either.  I don’t ever want to forget about my son but I hope someday I can get through the day without so much sorrow.

3 responses to “3 years

  1. I like to cry in the morning, then go to the botanical gardens in the afternoon, then go to dinner, get drunk and cry a little more before bed. It’s a nix mix of sadness, remembering the beauty and hope in my life, and self-indulgence. I can’t imagine the pain ever going away or even being less sharp (I was JUST crying about my boy before I read this). But now I know it won’t kill me, or stop me from loving. Sometimes I feel like I love my son even more now that I know how incredible babies are. I don’t think I can ever be as happy as I was before he arrived, or as sad I was when he left. I lost where I was going when I started writing this comment. I guess what I really mean is…me too.

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