Now that I am back to work, I have come to the horrible realization that I don’t get very much time with my son during the week. I hurry in the morning to get ready and then nurse him. Sometimes he is asleep and it breaks my heart to leave him without saying goodbye but I know his sleep is important. Sometimes I nurse him very quickly and then hand him off to my mom like a footbal pass in the last few seconds of the superbowl.
Then when I get home, he wants to nurse his little heart out. We are pretty sure he is reverse-cycling which means he is eating just enough to get by while I am gone and then nursing non-stop once he sees me. In between his small breaks, he sleeps. I miss starring into his little blue eyes all day long. I miss watching him wake up from naps only to focus in on my face and give me the biggest smile in the world. I miss him.
I think I miss him even more because the realization that this may be my only child is really starting to settle in. My husband and I had always wanted 3 kids. But with the amount of money we spent and the 47 months it took just to bring home one child, we are pretty certain he will be our one and only. I want to make them most of of every moment I have with him and I feel like going back to work is killing that dream.