They said what?

I saw a woman in the car behind me this morning pick her nose, inspect the bugger, flick it, then go back for more.  I guess things could be worse for me right now, I could be her.

It seems the last few weeks, stupid comments, questions, statements, etc., have been coming at me left and right from family and friends.  Here is a compilation of some of those very thoughtful but oh so ever I want to punch you in the face for saying that, slogans.

“I thought of you the other day while I was watching Grey’s Anatomy.  She delivered her baby prematurely like you and I was so sad for you.  I think she was 24 weeks or something.  How far along were you again?  It was so horrible.  Did you watch the show?  It looked like a real premature baby since it was all purple.”  – Mother of two – I’m going to guess that it was not a real premature baby since I couldn’t even hold mine after he was born.  Idiot.

“Oh I know exactly how you feel losing your son.  I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks and it was horrible.”  -Mother of two – Thanks for the comparison but I didn’t have a miscarriage, my son was born and then he died.

“Well you can just try again, you are young.” – Well tell that to my declining AMH and shrinking ovaries, asshole.  Oh my grandmother provided me with that one.

“Do you have any children?  Why not, do you know how great they are?  You aren’t getting any younger you know.” – Father of two and a butthole.

“Well just try again, it’ll happen.” – If you only knew.  Dick

“Just pray to god and it will happen.”  Hmm why didn’t I think of that before spending my 401k on this shit.

Response by my mother after we had our last chemical pregnancy “Have you considered a surrogate”.  WTF, did I say we were.  If I don’t bring it up, then don’t ask.

“Why don’t you adopt, it’s so much easier.”  Ah yes, I forgot that Costco has a Saturday special where they hand out free babies along with their sample size portions of bagel rolls.  What time do they open again?  Compliments of my grandmother again.

I guess my biggest pet peeve with all these comments is, they have no idea.  No matter how many times I point them to the internet to brush up on their IF information since none of them have gone through this, they still come back more ignorant than before.  They don’t get that each process has steps and before one moves onto adoption or a surrogate or donor embryos, you want a chance to exhaust your options.  And not to mention the fact, moving on does guarantee anything.  Going through an adoption does not guarantee me a baby, nor does using a surrogate or donor eggs.  If it were only so easy.  But what they fail to realize is, I want a biological baby just like all of them have.   I just don’t know how to get them to realize that, except to make them feel stupid, and to boldly tell them to not ask me anymore questions.  When they need to know, they will and the more they keep saying crap like that, the more I push them out of my lives.

4 responses to “They said what?

  1. So sorry about those insensitive comments, they never seem to end.

    Love, Fran ICLW #131

  2. Visiting from ICLW.

    Part of the reason I haven’t told more people about our history is because no matter what people say, it never seems to be the right thing. When I told my mom about my miscarriage she said, “I guess I’m going to be a grandma sooner than I though.” Wow mom, this is TOTALLY about you!

    Unless someone has walked in your shoes they just don’t understand.

    I also wanted to say I liked your myth busting post. It is so hard when people think just because you got pregnant once it will happen easily again. Wishing you the best.

  3. thanks for stopping by my blog for ICLW. sorry it took me so long to come and say hello. i love this post because its so truly hard to let people know how stupid their comments can be. that’s one of the really hard things about this. no one who hasn’t gone though it can come close to understanding. thinking of you.

  4. I’m sorry for being late on this. GREAT post!

    “Oh I know exactly how you feel losing your son. I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks and it was horrible.”

    Totally different. Miscarriages hurt. Stillborn babies hurt. Infertility hurts. All have different attributes and if anyone is thinking of telling someone they know how they feel, they should STOP!


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