So when my first IVF worked, I didn’t think much about it. Statistically we had a 60% chance of succeeding and we did. I was shocked when I saw that BFP because it seemed unreal that it really did work but after that, I just moved forward. I’m a numbers gal when it comes to this stuff.
Fast forward to our second IVF. I went into it thinking I would get the same results as last time, however, it failed. At first I thought, ok, well they picked the wrong two egg’s, let’s see what the FET brings. Now that this FET brought a BFP, for some reason I can’t help but think that this is too good to be true. Now deep down it may have something to do with my loss but by nature I am not a negative person or a pessimist. In fact, I think I have pretty good luck and my optimism drives my husband nuts. But for some reason, I just can’t get it out of my head that this is not a viable pregnancy. Statistically, I keep reminding myself that it should have worked, which it did and my numbers did double appropriately but that is not helping me this time. I don’t know if I’ve been spending too much time on google or what. But this 2ww to see the heartbeat is the worst 2ww yet for me. At least during the first 2ww I can cheat and start testing about 5dpt to see what’s up, but at this point, there is nothing I can do except literally wait. No amount of peeing on a stick is going to do anything for me.
Maybe it’s because I have lost hope, maybe it’s because I feel like there is no way this can be true, maybe it’s because my beta was so low to start with that I feel there must be something wrong, either way, I just want this 2 weeks to hurry up. If it’s bad then let’s move on, if not, then lets hurry up and get this 9 months over with so we can finally have our family. I am so scattered right now that I’m hoping some sort of clarity will pop up shortly, for everyone’s sake.