Wonder

You know how you have one of those days where you really should wash your hair but you just don’t have the energy and now you spend the rest of the day feeling gross.  That’s today.  And to top it off, I’ve slept like crap since Tuesday because all I can think about is whether or not this pregnancy is viable.  No fun.  I know there is nothing I can do if it isn’t.  I know that if I am going to miscarry it will happen no matter what I do or don’t do.    However, this one is so much different that it just leaves me wondering. 

So far I have had no spotting.  That worries me.  It makes me wonder if implantation barely took place, hence the low starting beta.  But then again, I know some women get no spotting at all and still have a healthy pregnancy.  I have had some cramping but nothing compared to my first pregnancy.  But maybe that is a good thing since I had a subchorionic hemorrhage the first time around.  Who knows. 

The whole thing is a crap shoot but that doesn’t do much to ease your wandering mind.  I wish I had a magic wand that I could wave and have it tell me what the outcome would be or at least to speed up the next two weeks, but like everyone else, I don’t, so I wait and wonder.

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4 responses to “Wonder

  1. I know exactly what you mean about dirty hair! When my hair is dirty, my entire body feels dirty. But then again, since I didn’t shower it most likely IS all dirty. Still…the hair makes it feel real.

    Keeping my fingers crossed that your beta numbers continue to climb!

    ICLW #24

    • Thanks. And yes it does. Dirty hair days are the worst. And I know better too! Just waiting for that heartbeat confirmation now. Longest wait ever. Good luck with your FET.

  2. Thank you for the encouraging comment! I look forward to following you on this journey. Sending you lots of positive vibes and big hugs. Hoping that the next few weeks go by quickly and that everything turns out well. I’ll be thinking about you.

    Happy ICLW!
    Carmela #65

  3. The comment about dirty hair made me laugh as that is exactly how I felt yesterday as well. I’ll be praying for the best with your pregnancy.
    Happy ICLW!

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