One of the hardest things about seeing other peoples kids, is I can’t help but wonder how old my babies would be if I was able to get pregnant as planned. As planned I would have 2 kids by now, a two year old and a newborn. And in one year we would planning for our third. Well we all know plans change so here I sit typing this blog feeling sorry for myself yet again. Right now I sit here wondering if I will ever have one let alone three and it hurts. I want nothing more than to have a family with my husband , for him to be a father and for me to be a mother. And every time I see my friend’s kids, the counting begins. Seeing them is a constant reminder of how long we have been trying. The journey that never stops. So here I am on a Saturday evening, no pina colada in hand, stuck giving myself shots (or taking them in the ass) and a pharmacy on my dining room table in the hopes that someday I will have a family of my own.