Do you have kids?

The dreaded, gut wrenching question for those like me and the most frequent question asked by people in their 30’s.  So I dodged this one by a seat today, literally.  Although dodging this question didn’t make me feel entirely better because I knew the women one seat ahead of me who was the last to get stuck with it never had kids due to infertility and in fact her first husband left her because of it.   But as I sat there waiting for my turn a list of possible answers popped into my head: 

  1. Fuck you.  Ok well that wouldn’t work since my boss and my manager were present and I guess ultimately not fair to the new guy. 
  2. It’s none of your business.  Well in a normal person’s life this question isn’t really digging into one’s personal life.  But for someone struggling with infertility, it is.
  3. Yes.  But that is usually followed up with oh how many, how old, what gender at which point I would revert back to answer number 1 followed by answer number 2 so that’s not appropriate for a work lunch either.
  4. No.  But then that is usually followed up with why not.  Don’t you know how great children are, they really do make life worth living.  No shit Sherlock, I do remember my three brief days with my son and how precious he was so thanks for reminding me of what I have lost.  It’s not like the memory hasn’t ingrained itself into my brain for life.  Or see answer 1 and 2. 
  5. Silence.  But then that would raise suspicions and make me look mental.
  6. ????? 

So as you can see, I’m caught in the middle of this question.  Technically, I don’t have any children and continue to struggle with my bout of infertility on a daily basis.  But technically I do have a child, he is just no longer with me but do I really want to explain that to some idiot.  Not really.  To date, I have only lashed out at one person and let me tell you, it did not go well.  Poor guy didn’t stand a chance considering I had just picked up my sons ashes only days before.  Oh well, serves him right for prying.  He should have just left it alone when I did not make eye contact, turned away and solemnly answered no.  But oh no, he had to keep pushing.  Why not, don’t you want a family, and pow!      

Fortunately for the sake of my job, I was able to change the topic and finish my lunch without any disruptions but I can’t say what the future holds for the next poor soul who asks me this question.

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